goodbye 2015// hello 2016

tumblr inspiration

I still haven't quite decided if I like the New Year or not. I think there's a lot of expectations that everyone just assumes can be fulfilled by one day- one night- one transition in to another January. There's also a lot of brushing over. People say, "Oh yeah that's fine- it's a new year... start fresh." But with that mindset are we ever fully finishing the canvas, or are we just painting over the scars when it  tarnishes the portrait?

I've accomplished a lot this year. This little fragment of my life. I've redeveloped friendships, strengthened them, took exams, proved to my self that I can be brilliant. I've started writing larger novels and sharing them with the world on fanfiction, I've created a youtube. Yet all of these are trivial in comparison: I've breathed. I've lived.

I don't necessarily like looking back and thinking, "Yeah, that was a good year." Because it wasn't. Because it was. Because how can we possibly box 365 days in to a single word: good or bad? Please circle. I prefer to look at moments. Time is scary. I'm scared. I get scared whenever I turn a year older. A year closer in to adulthood. A year more in to the crazy infinity of life and the universe and everything. A year has just gone of me breathing and surviving and living.
And in those days I've felt a thousand different emotions. I've seen a thousand different things through a thousand different view points. I've been me for another whole year...

Because maybe I don't want to put it to bed. Maybe I don't want to hinge everything upon a New Year because whose to say that those moments - my moments- are going to be anymore significant than a moment in another 365 days in the past or future. So I'm only going to set one goal for myself this year: to live. I'm want to braver, I want to be kinder, I want to live because living is what will get to me 2017, 2018, 2019 and so forth.

Let's all live, together.

-J

the infinite // short poem

And I used to run my hand through
The stars like the night was my 
Canvas
And infinity was my paint brush 
And we were everything
And 

Nothing. 

But there was something beautiful in our existence...
In our nothingness,
As we realised that a tiny dot 
A sparkle
Of a distant star was so much more than we could ever be 
And we took a picture
And I hung it on my wall
To remember 
That even an infinity can end. 

I've decided I will try and write a poem a week and post it on here. They never take very long- this one was quite literally a stream of conciousness spanning a whole 30 seconds! Writing keeps me grounded yet allows me to fly...

Life is pretty hectic at the moment: school, job and just living. I feel pretty tired all the time and am verging on an existential crisis.... Music and Tumblr help :)

I will try and take a few outfit photos soon!

Keep existing,
J

*photo from tumblr*

the social media thing// the ramblings

I recently addressed this on Instagram (ironic I know) and wanted to elaborate on here. Okay so, social media is not real. This is arguably the most important THING about it: it is not real. Anything anyone posts online, whether that be youtube, tumblr, instagram, twitter is not real. Because you are viewing it through a screen. You are capturing a moment and then compressing it in to a gif or jpeg or a mp4 file or whatever and that is NOT REAL.

Now, I love Instagram. I have over 6,000 people that follow my feed; that is 6,000+ people that have never meet me in the flesh. Sure,they've met Jessie, oceanpainter_.... but they have NEVER met Jessie. And that's dangerous. I can portray whatever the heck I want to these 6,000+ people and they would never know the truth. And I, like anyone on any social media ever, am guilty of that.

Recently, I have been imagining  becoming instagram famous or youtube famous. Basically becoming an internet phenomenon. Then I watched this video [x]. And then I found her website [x] and honestly, I have never been so inspired in my life. Her video scared me. It made me want to take everything I had of myself down from the internet.

But.

What if I was REAL? Okay, so nothing I ever post is going to be an absolute representation of what is going on in my life, but that doesn't mean that I cannot be free. Freedom is a powerful THING, let's prevent social media from compressing us. I believe that everyone has the ability to CHANGE something in the world-an opportunity- and maybe my opportunity is through instagram, or my blog? I have a freedom, a power to change something. And I don't want to abuse that power.

I'm not perfect. And I never will be. I don't ever post the bad stuff. The parts where I'm crying or feel unmotivated or depressed. Sometimes I feel ugly and unlovable. I'M HUMAN.

Everything I write and post is as real as one can be on social media. Or at least, I try. I never edit myself or change my appearance to please number. I would never objectify myself (although it is very tempting to sometimes want to). I  just want to be me, And to be free.

I want to write to make people think. I want to take pictures to inspire. I want to post a video to make people laugh. It is all too easy to fall in to the trap of social media- and I don't want to anymore. So heck, I'm going to post whatever I want because WHY SHOULD WE BE DEFINED BY A SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM?

So as my new inspiration so rightly says, "Let's be game changers!"

-J

"... and that is how galaxies are made"// halloween outfit

Jessie Wears 

Halter Neck// Moonwaves Clothing

Trousers// Charity Shop

Earrings// Forever 21

So this year, for halloween, I have decided to go as a space princess. I absolutely ADORE this halter neck from Moonwaves Clothing - it practically shimmers in the light. This shoot is kind of messy and imperfect but I had lots of fun adding the sparkly galaxy bits so I guess that's okay :) 

I hope you guys have been enjoying my Youtube so far!

Thank you for the continued support..

Much Love

-J

P.S more writing come your way soon :)

autumn room tour// day + night

So here it is: my first EVER youtube video. I really hope I've captured my room (I know the camera work is shaky and the quality is awful). If you wish to know where anything is from, please leave a comment on youtube and I'll get back to you ASAP. It would be great if I could get a like and maybe a follow? I'm hoping to start filming more videos soon...

Happy Autumn

-J

my inspiration has run dry, what's going on?// the ramblings

Urgh. This is again going to be a fairly honest projection of my current feelings. Although I guess 'urgh' could pretty much summarise it. Anyway, here goes...

Quite literally, my inspiration has run dry. Kaput, drained, diminished, depleted, dwindled... whatever synonym you want to call label it! And also quite literally, I feel like yelling "what's going on!?" out of my window. I had assumed Art A-level would be the perfect opportunity to express myself and be free after the pressure's of English Lit and History. Instead I feel this great weight whenever I open my art book to another white a3 page. And  I just think urgh. How is one supposed to fill every crevice with expression when they have nothing to express?

I pick up a paint brush yet the paint dries before it even makes contact with the page; I pick up a pencil yet the lead breaks at the first signs of pressure... I then I think, perhaps it isn't the tools I am using but the actual motion of picking them up. Inspiration is a gift. I wish I could explain why art just isn't exciting me anymore. Sometimes the unexplainable has to remain unexplained to exist.

Concepts. I like concepts. I like conceptual thinking. I like thinking. And I realise now that my favourite thing about art is the way it makes you think. I want to be given a topic and think of the most pretentious, ambiguous idea that ties together a myriad of thoughts like "constellations" and think. Now the irony is, to get through this process of lacking inspiration I am writing a blog post. Writing a blog post. If you presented me with a blank sheet of paper and a lined piece of paper, I would immediately take the lined. If you gave me a word and asked me to write or draw, I would immediately take the pen.

And its so frustrating to have lost something which you used to find effortless.

I wish I could say something positive here. I am going to carry on with art.. but not for the entirely correct reasons. I am going to think of a concept.. a story... a thinking point.. and try to express the meaning  through art. Maybe that will help? Maybe it won't? But for now, writing definitely does.

Remember its okay not to be okay
-J

*picture from Tumblr*

am i an artist? // collaboration

1. As a child, do you recall a significant moment when you felt truly
affected or inspired by any particular artwork or artist? Honestly, it wasn't until recently that I fully started to appreciate art. I began to start reading in to the history of artistry whilst doing English essays and became fascinated in how the perceptions of that time period were projected in to a painting. I also began to explore tumblr and some of the beautiful, yet simplistic works of art that can be found on the site. Expression is raw yet humbling. 

2. As an artist, what do you hope to convey with your work? I've never really seen myself as an 'artist' but when people do look at my work I want them to see a story. And not just any story, but a story of intricacy and intensity where ideas have convulsed together to create a rather weird yet wonderful piece of 'art'. I am not one to draw or painting something that lacks significance, everything I do has a complex meaning behind it because that's how I think. I am a thinker. I am a writer. 


3. What memorable responses have you had to your work? Whenever I do a piece, I will always write a synopsis that eloquently collates my ideas together. My favourite responses are when someone looks at the painting/drawing/photograph and then reads the text underneath; it is like a light bulb pings above their head and all of sudden the inanimate page becomes alive with a story. 

4. What is your dream project? I would love to just have a wall. Quite literally a wall- and everyday be given a different medium to express myself if. I guess it would be like a diary; angry scribbles juxtaposed with soft lines, doodles, oceans, animals, symbols... just having that freedom is an art form in itself. 


5. What artists, of any medium, do you admire? (Famous or not!) Any artist that captures the intimacies of human emotion is a favourite of mine. Some of my most adored portraits are quite melancholy with dripping brush strokes; stimulating sadness but the more prevalent emotion is intrigue. Mixed media always looks amazing but a good old fashioned oil painting never fails to stun me. 

Carl Melegari

Guy Denning

Rupert Bathurst

This was post was in collaboration with Patience Brewster's efforts to raise awareness about the motives behind art. (Patience Brewster [x] is an artist herself and a designer of handmade Christmas ornaments [x] ). I don't always share my art work on this blog, mainly because I have never considered myself to be very good. And that's okay. I like to express myself in different ways, whether that be through a scratchy scribble, a photograph or a piece of writing (the latter being my preferred medium). 

Never be afraid to express yourself, 

-J

P.S I finally finished my fanfiction and would be so humbled if you could take a read and maybe review? [x] 

London Fashion Week// Charity Fashion Live collaboration

Jessie and April wear:

Charity shop finds

Where the wild things are t-shirt- WTMA

Charity Fashion Live is an exciting media based campaign that aims to promote the belief that fashion can be both sustainable AND accessible. So, in honour of this AMAZING campaign, I decided to put together some of my recent and most loved charity shop finds in an outfit post (photographed by my lovely friend Sarah). As you all know, vintage buys are my absolute favourite items in my wardrobe- why not join in to update your style AND help the environment! I love pairing charity shop finds with more expensive high street items to create something utterly unique. 

On 19.09.15 Charity Fashion Live will be re-creating London Fashion week's designer looks ,just moments after they appear on the catwalk, using what they find in an Oxfam charity shop. Share your preloved items on Twitter using the hashtag #CharityFashionLive and follow @CharityFashLive to see the looks unfold live! It is so cool that charity shops are finally getting the recognition they deserve. 

I really hope you enjoyed this slight deviation from my normal style of posts. If you want to follow me on twitter (I literally just created it) it is @oceanpainter_ , the same as my instagram name. 

You are loved

-J

summer's final adventure // photography

Just recently I went on a beautiful, if not rather quirky, mini holiday on my grandparents' canal boat. Seldom do I take my Nikon anywhere other than for an outfit shoot- this time I wanted to branch out (even if it is the most awkward object to carry). There is something idyllic, verging on nostalgic about these photos. Again something alien to my usual style...

School starts on Friday. Or should I say sixth form? Either way, it is daunting. BUT I have dropped all the horrible subjects and now get to study English Literature, History and Art. WHAT!? You have no idea how amazing it feels to say bye to maths and science.

Will hopefully update again soon. Good luck to everyone starting school again!

-J