Urgh. This is again going to be a fairly honest projection of my current feelings. Although I guess 'urgh' could pretty much summarise it. Anyway, here goes...
Quite literally, my inspiration has run dry. Kaput, drained, diminished, depleted, dwindled... whatever synonym you want to call label it! And also quite literally, I feel like yelling "what's going on!?" out of my window. I had assumed Art A-level would be the perfect opportunity to express myself and be
free after the pressure's of English Lit and History. Instead I feel this great weight whenever I open my art book to
another white a3 page. And I just think
urgh. How is one supposed to fill every crevice with expression when they have nothing to express?
I pick up a paint brush yet the paint dries before it even makes contact with the page; I pick up a pencil yet the lead breaks at the first signs of pressure... I then I think, perhaps it isn't the tools I am using but the actual motion of
picking them up. Inspiration is a gift. I wish I could explain why art just isn't exciting me anymore. Sometimes the unexplainable has to remain unexplained to exist.
Concepts. I like concepts. I like conceptual thinking. I like thinking. And I realise now that my favourite thing about art is the way it makes you think. I want to be given a topic and think of the most pretentious, ambiguous idea that ties together a myriad of thoughts like "constellations" and
think. Now the irony is, to get through this process of lacking inspiration I am writing a blog post.
Writing a blog post. If you presented me with a blank sheet of paper and a lined piece of paper, I would immediately take the lined. If you gave me a word and asked me to write or draw, I would immediately take the pen.
And its so frustrating to have lost something which you used to find effortless.
I wish I could say something positive here. I
am going to carry on with art..
but not for the entirely correct reasons. I am going to think of a concept.. a story... a
thinking point.. and try to express the meaning through art. Maybe that will help? Maybe it won't? But for now, writing definitely does.
Remember its okay not to be okay
-J
*picture from Tumblr*
