feelings

I try to keep my blog as 'real' as possible. I don't try to fabricate a perfect life although I'm aware that most of my posts are positive. Sometimes I need to be real and write down how I feel...to express and collate my thoughts in to a paragraph.

Being sixteen can be overwhelming sometimes. I'm predicted high grades at school. Great. What happens if I don't get them? What happens if they were wrong and I'm not an A* student? Have I failed? A few weeks ago I got my English Language result back and I broke down. It was ridiculously embarrassing and I felt stupid and selfish for crying over a 'good' grade but for me it wasn't a 'good' grade. I had failed myself and my teacher and the subject which I love most in the world felt like a heavy rock. A rock I couldn't hold any more. So my teacher took me outside the classroom and told me that an exam is never reflective of your ability. He said that it didn't change how he viewed me as a writer and that I should NEVER loose enthusiasm. I will try to remember this as I get that envelope in the summer. I am intelligent. I am brave. I am special. One grade on a piece paper in no way equates to that.

The future is another topic that has been burying itself in to my brain. A levels. Degrees. CV. Personal Statements. Summer Camps. Work Experience. Help. If you excuse the cliché simile, it literally is like sitting in a car with no brakes. Yesterday I felt everything crumble on top of me. I found a degree and I started to get excited and planning and telling my mum at 60mph and texting my friends and then silence. The excitement wavered and I just felt... empty. You've got time, I told myself. One step at a time. Opportunities will arise. Doors are there to opened. Not yet though , you've got time.

I then lay in my bed and cried. Crying is never a sign of weakness. Your tears are a part of your identity as your thumb print is a part of your DNA. I cried because  I needed to release. I cried and I laughed and I smiled and I prayed and then I just stayed still. That moment, in bed with my fairy lights on and Sleeping At Last playing in my ears, I felt at peace. Never feel afraid to cry,

That was pretty scary, writing all that down. I hope you guys gain something from it, whether that be comfort or help. Stay strong and remember to close your eyes and breathe.

-J

*creds to tumblr for the picture*

blister in the sun

Jessie Wears

Jumper - Charity Shop

Watch - Argos

Trousers - Lemonade Clothes

Necklace - Luno and Leo

Bedroom Details

Fairy Lights - IKEA

Deer Head - Amazon

Duvet Cover - IKEA

Elephant Poster - Paperchase

Pillows - Society 6

I took a diversion from the usual trees / leafy walls / bricks / garden sheds for this photo shoot. Instead I set up my tripod and took a few snaps in the comfort of my bedroom (it was freezing outside). I wanted to share with all of you my gorgeous new boyfriend trousers. They are ridiculously comfy and add a unique touch to my outfit, allowing me to break away from my comfort zone. 

Recently I've been buying things to prepare for sixth form in September. I know I have two whole months of GCSE's before then but.... I can dream right!? Enjoy the rest of half term guys if you're off school and if not KEEP GOING. I just need to tackle a mountain of art and photography first :(

Lots of love

-J

observing

Yesterday  I went exploring. I took tubes, buses and my feet around London taking photos for my photography exam book. This is just a small collection of the photographs I took of strangers. Each person has a different story , an identity, a reason for being there. It is such a privilege to capture these lives on camera.

I also went to the Tate Modern , which consisted of rooms and rooms of amazing sculptures and paintings. So inspiring. Looking at art makes me wonder why I ever doubt doing something creative with my life.

* My GCSE's have basically been turned on full now. Any spare moment I have is like ART/ PHOTOGRAPHY / ENGLISH / DRAMA/ BLAH BLAH BLAH! I will try and post when I can but be prepared for the quantity to diminish over the next few months :( *

Keep being inspired
-J

all photos are mine - please do not take ANY with out permission from me

inspiration // sleeping at last

I find  inspiration in many places. Recently, tumblr has been my primary source and many hours have been spent scrolling through nature photos and oil paintings dreaming of travel and art. Music also inspires me. Today I wanted to share with you my favourite band, Sleeping At Last. Ciara introduced me to their music to me ages ago yet it was only recently I actually listened to them *oops* I could honestly be flying through space or floating on an endless ocean whilst I hear their songs...

I have composed a short playlist of my favourites songs that I listen to before I fall asleep. Many of their songs are just instrumental, allowing the mind to literally fabricate its own words. Although when the songs do have singing, the lyrics are so poetic. Even my mum has fallen in love. Okay, I have probably built them up too much now. Enjoy!

Aren't they just so perfect!

-J